The Six Stages of Healing
by DevineM27
Summary: After an important announcement Teyla and John begin the process of healing.


**Series: **Stargate Atlantis

**Theme: **Beya Prompt Battle '07

**Characters: **John & Teyla

**Rating/Warning: **PG/Season 4 spoilers

**Links: **

**Summary: **After an important announcement Teyla and John begin the process of healing.

**The Six Stages of Healing**

**Stage 1: Denial **

**Family**

John stood in the darkness of his quarters. He felt numb, drained; the shock of Teyla's announcement having sucked all of the feeling from his body. How had this happened? When? With whom? John felt his stomach begin to churn. The thought of Teyla in the arms of another man sickened him. He struggled for air, hoping to quell the nausea rising in his throat.

She had to know how much she meant to him. He'd told her. She was a part of his family, but more than just family. She was his best friend, his sounding board, his compass. She was what held them together as a team. She was….. John shook his head. It just didn't make sense. Why hadn't she come to him? Why hadn't she confided in him? That was what family did. At least, that's what he'd always believed. John closed his eyes against their growing dampness.

"Col. Sheppard, please report to the Control room immediately."

He clinched his fists and breathed deeply, before responding to the call.

"I'm on my way."

John took a few moments, trying to shove the raw emotions he felt to the back of his mind. Now wasn't the time to give in to them. There was a mission to complete, a city to protect and a war to fight. He'd think about Teyla and her ba…. He'd think about them later, when there was more time.

**

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**Stage 2: Anger**

**Weighted Glances**

Teyla could feel his eyes following her. John did it whenever he thought she wasn't looking. Nearly a month had gone by since the day she'd told the team of her condition and he had yet to speak to her. There was the occasional word here or there, but only when absolutely necessary; there were no smiles, no nods of acknowledgement, only weighted glances.

He was angry and she could understand why. They'd shared many things in the past and this should not have been any different, but she'd known. She'd known how he would react and was scared; scared of losing her best friend, scared of losing herself. But as fate would have it, she was losing him anyway. Teyla wasn't blind. She saw the questions, the pain and anger in his eyes, just before he'd turn away. She'd wanted to go to him many times; to tell her side of the story, to try and make him understand, but didn't because she knew that he wasn't ready. She knew that he needed more time.

Teyla slowly made her way from the lunch line to the table where John and the others sat. Ronon pulled out the chair next to him, and across from John, for her to be seated. Teyla eased into the chair and set her tray on the table. She glanced up, locking gazes with John. The sadness she saw was heartbreaking, but soon it became overshadowed by anger. John stood, excusing himself from the table and Teyla bowed her head. The caress of Ronon's hand on her shoulder was comforting, but not nearly enough.

"Don't worry Teyla. Just give him time, he'll come around."

She sighed, hoping against hope that what he said was true, because a life without John….. Teyla closed her eyes. He would come around. He had to.

**

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**Stage 3: Depression**

**Regrets**

It was the story of his life; failure, regrets, loss and he had a long list to prove it. First his father, then Holland, Nancy, Sumner, Aiden, Carson, Elizabeth, Heightmeyer, the list went on and on. Was he now to add Teyla to that list too? Had he, in some way, failed her? What if Ronon had been was right? What if he'd told her his true feelings? Would that have been his child that she now carried?

At this point it didn't really matter. All John knew was that he wanted his friend back, but it appeared he was too late. Teyla was avoiding him, not that he could blame her. So much time has passed; days where it was easier to walk away than to face his rage, weeks where the sight of her angered him. John's bruised emotions had eventually faded, but the damage was done. The once small wedge between them had grown into a vast distance that seemed impossible to cross.

Maybe this was for the best. Maybe there was nothing that he could offer Teyla, but more heartache and pain. A true friend would have put his personal feelings aside, not add to a loved one's worries. A true friend would have been there. John glanced at his door. The urge to go to her, to see her, was strong, but he wouldn't. He'd caused enough grief in Teyla's life. He refused to cause anymore.

**

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**Stage 4: Loneliness**

**Trampled Heart**

It was a hard decision to make, but in her heart Teyla knew it was for the best. Atlantis had been her home for nearly four years and now it was time for her to leave. She would join what was left of her people and go in search of a new home. They would rebuild and she would raise her child in an Athosian community, surrounded by her people's customs and traditions.

She would miss the city and all of the friends she'd leave behind, but it was time to move on. Restricted from missions as well as numerous other activities, Teyla was beginning to feel misplaced. It seemed as if everyone else's life on Atlantis was continuing, while hers stood still. In many ways Teyla felt like a ghost; present, but overlooked or simply ignored. She felt lonely, useless, forgotten.

Teyla glanced up as the doors for the mess hall opened. Her heart sank as the couple walked into the room. John's former captor, Larrin, was here for another visit. It appeared as if his enemy had quickly turned into an ally and possibly something more. Teyla tried to look away, but couldn't. She remembered not so long ago when John had given her his undivided attention, his smile, his time, but now those things were meant for another. Teyla wiped the tears from her eyes and sighed. Yes, it was time to go. Her poor heart had had enough and couldn't take it anymore.

**

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**Stage 5: Acceptance**

**Reaching Out**

It was late when John made his way down to the gym. He'd looked everywhere for Teyla and hadn't been able find her. This was the only other place he could think of to look before paging her on the overhead speaker. He didn't care if it was nearly three in the morning, he needed to see her. They needed to have a serious talk.

Earlier that morning, Ronon had blatantly told him that Teyla was leaving Atlantis because of him and that if he didn't do something now he'd lose her forever. John had been on the verge of scrubbing the mission and heading back to the gate when all hell had broken loose. Cornered and out gunned with little to no chance of reaching the gate, John had begun to fear he'd never see Teyla again, that he'd never be given a chance to apologize. He'd made a promise to himself at that moment, of what he'd do if they made it out of the situation alive and he had every intention of keeping it.

John slowed as the gym doors slid open. He glanced around the dark room and frowned, wondering where the hell she could possibly be. John was just about to turn away when he heard a soft noise; someone was sobbing. Activating the lights, he walked inside and saw Teyla sitting in the far corner. John crossed the room, pausing behind her.

"Teyla?"

She slowly rose from the floor. When she turned, there were no tears, but he could still see that she'd been crying.

"Teyla, are you okay?"

Her lips curved, but the smile didn't reach her eyes.

"Yes, am I needed by Col. Carter?"

John's brows knotted.

"No, why would you think that?"

She stared at him.

"We have not spoken for some time, Col. Sheppard. I can only assume that you would seek me out for a work related issue."

John frowned.

"No, this isn't work related. Ronon told me that you were leaving and I'm here to ask you to stay."

Teyla glanced up in surprise.

"What?"

He sighed.

"Don't leave."

She bowed her head.

"I have no reason to stay."

John reached out and lifted her chin. He gazed into her eyes.

"Yes, you do. I need you. I love you."

Using his thumb, he brushed the tears from her cheek.

"If you love me, then why did you push me away?"

John closed his eyes and rested his head against hers.

"Because I felt angry when you didn't confide in me and I was jealous of the baby's father. I felt as if I had lost you without a fight. I felt betrayed."

Teyla's eyes welled with tears.

"I'm sorry. I wanted so badly to tell you. To make you understand-."

He pulled her into his arms.

"Sshh, don't apologize. It's okay."

John held her, letting her cry away her fears and pain. A few minutes later she glanced at him again.

"But what about the baby? It's not just going to go away?"

"Teyla, this baby is a part of you. How can I love one and not love the other? I want to be there for the both of you."

Teyla frowned.

"And you and Larrin?"

John's brow knotted.

"There is no 'me and Larrin', I'm merely her security detail. Since we have history, Carter asked that I keep an eye on her when she's in the city."

Teyla arched a brow.

"Security detail, huh, and that includes flirting?"

John shrugged.

"I can't help it. It comes naturally."

Teyla gazed into to John's eyes.

"Why now after all this time?"

He sighed.

"I thought that I'd lost you before, but when Ronon told me there was still a chance, I couldn't let you go without a fight. I love you too much not to try."

She smiled.

"I love you too."

**

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**Stage 6: Forgiveness**

**Butterfly Kisses**

Teyla slowly opened her eyes and smiled. She watched as John placed noisy kisses on the soles of Ana's chubby feet, making her squeal and giggle with delight. He also kissed her cheeks and placed loud, noisy kisses on her belly. Ana clapped her hands happily. John laughed.

"That's Daddy's girl."

Ana suddenly reached up and grabbed a handful of John's. He gently removed her fingers and kissed the palm of her hand.

"Hey kid, I love you, but watch the hair."

Teyla laughed. John glanced at her and smiled.

"Good morning, Mrs. Sheppard."

"Good morning."

He wiggled his brows.

"Ready for a day of picnicking on the pier?"

Her smile grew.

"Yes."

Teyla leaned against the balcony rail and glanced out at the afternoon sky. So much had changed in the last year; a new Commander for Atlantis, a new planet, a new baby. So much had changed and yet, there was much that remained the same. She smiled as a pair of arms eased around her waist and hugged her from behind. Well, maybe not _exactly_ the same. Teyla turned to face John and slipped her arms around his neck. He returned her gaze.

"Happy?"

She grinned.

"Yes, very. And you?"

John glanced over his shoulder at Ana. She stretched and let out a soft yawn before settling comfortably back in her carrier. He turned back to Teyla and smiled.

"Yes, very."

John gazed deeply into her eyes.

"Do you think you can ever forgive me?"

She frowned.

"For what?"

"For the pain I've caused you. If I hadn't been so stubborn and-."

Teyla placed two fingers over his mouth.

"It was I who caused you pain. If I had only had more faith in our friendship, our bond, none of those things would have happened. It is I who need your forgiveness."

John glanced down at Teyla and felt his heart swell with love for both her and Ana. When he thought of what he'd nearly lost due to his stubborn anger, he felt humbled. They'd finally talked, really talked; discussing what had happened and why. John had been able to understand Teyla's reasoning and even support it. There was no need for them to look back, reliving their mistakes any longer and there were no need for apologies. They only needed to look to the future and what was to come. John smiled.

"I have a proposition for you."

Teyla arched a brow in question.

"I'll forgive you, if you forgive me."

She smiled.

"Deal."

John leaned forward, placing butterfly kisses on her eyelids, her nose and her cheeks. He whispered softly against her lips.

"Deal."

Before capturing them in a passionate kiss.


End file.
